Hogwarts Reunion: Circa 1971
by Alex Antidote
Summary: Snape gets the dreaded invite after 25 years of being able to avoid all of them. What will happen at this reunion? All characters are alive, and there is no Voldy. AU, OOC, Parody, one shot. T to be safe. 2nd Chapter is the song- Hogwarts Never Ends
1. Chapter 1

I got up at dawn everyday, a reflex left over from my school days. And besides that, I still taught at that dreaded school. But it didn't matter, today was a summer day. Nothing but my potions and I, a whole day with them. Never mind that everyday was spent like this, but still.

As I was outside in my garden, gathering herbs and plants for the potion I was brewing, the noise that I hated sounded. Looking up, an owl confirmed my worst suspicions.

Quickly, I dropped all that was in my hands, and ran for my humble abode. Shutting the door, and dead bolting it, I also locked my shutters in place. I was trying to think: How many years exactly has it been? Surely not enough…

The owl was at my window, rapping as hard as it could. Another sound also brought a shiver down my back.

"Severus Snape! You open this window right now! Or I'll be forced to send you more of these, EACH AND EVERY DAY UNTIL THE DAY OF!" Dumbledore's Howler went off.

I knew it'd be foolish to ignore it, but surely I could hide out here forever.

"OH AND IF YOU WANT TO HIDE IN THERE FOR FOREVER, I'LL SEND THE MARAUDERS TO MESS UP YOUR PRECIOUS GARDEN!"

He could not be serious.

"YOU KNOW I'M PERFECTLY SERIOUS!"

So, he knew what I would think. I opened the window, and the Howler exploded. Grabbing the letter from the Owl, I read what I already knew was there.

_Severus Snape, Potions Master, professor of Potions at Hogwarts, School of Wizardry and Witchcraft_

_You are formally invited to:_

_HOGWARTS 25__th__ REUNION FOR ANYONE GOING TO SCHOOL_

_DURING THIS YEAR: 1971_

_Time: 4 P.M. - 11 P.M._

_Day: July 18, 1995_

_Please R.S.V.P. to Albus Dumbledore_

_We're all looking forward to seeing each and every one of you again._

At the end, Dumbledore signed his own note to me: _I already R.S.V.P.'d for you. I expect you promptly at 6, in the Great Hall. __J -Albus_

Groaning, I sat down at my table, and hit my head against it. After 25 years without any of them? And now being forced to see them. Wasn't it enough that I had the Potter's kids in my classes? All three of them, but bloody hell, all torturing me with her eyes.

I have to say, it didn't do me any good. Seeing as he waited until the last possible day to send this to me, I needed to try to do something to show them that I was better now.

Walking to the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. The same crooked nose, and it's still as big as it's always been. My hair was a little longer, but still greasy. Sighing, and wishing I had time to get a tan, I decided there was nothing I could do with my appearance.

My wardrobe was the same. Black robes, and even black muggle clothes. All black. What was I? Some sort of muggle goth?

I sat at the edge of my bed, and decided that they had to accept me. I was the one teaching their kids now. Those damn Marauders. And every other kid who went to school at that time.

Seven years, sure it sounds long, but goes by quickly. Enduring it, and getting passed it was easy. The hard part was entering the "real" world, and realizing that it was still the same. The whole damn world was just as obsessed with the same crap they were worrying about in school.

I thought I had got away from the total dicks, and the stuck up twats. Sighing, I thought to myself: Hogwarts never ends.

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Walking into the Great Hall, I wish I didn't have to do this. In my muggle clothes was even worse, since I didn't have that robe thing going on that I could swish about. Like the loser I was, I went to talk to Dumbledore.

"Albus," I greeted him.

His blue eyes twinkling (always made me wonder if something was wrong with them) he smiled at me.

"Severus! I knew you wouldn't disappoint. And don't you look stunning. Yes I'm quite sure everyone else is wearing their muggle clothes. We are grown up now, you know," he slapped my back, and went to talk to other people.

Now I really was a loser, standing alone at the punch bowl. I sipped the fire whiskey, choosing it over the pumpkin juice. I would need booze to get through this.

There was whispering over next to me, and I could clearly here Emmeline Vance and Alice Logan. Same twits they were.

"You'll never guess what Skeeter did now!" Vance whispered excitedly to Logan.

"Forget that. What I want to know is how Molly P. lost all that weight," she said this as she giggled.

Rolling my eyes, I interrupted, "She's a Weasley now."

Both of them looked up at me, and smiled. I could tell Vance was about to say something, but another cold voice interrupted her.

"So, my friend Snape is here as well!" Lucius exclaimed.

Of course, he was a fifth year when I first entered.

"Lucius, how do you do?"

"Better, now that my boy is beating that damn mudblood," he replied, pushing the two girls out of the way, and getting some whiskey.

"Yes, she seems…distracted, nowadays."

Laughing, his eyes scanned the room, and he commented on something, "Seems like Lily had some babies, so I guess James' straight."

I nodded solemnly, since I already knew this. However, I will still beg to differ that he was straight, but it doesn't matter now. It just mattered how much money they had, and how popular they were among the new generation at Hogwarts.

"Severus! Oh, Sevvy!" Avery's voice rang out, and I knew he had been drinking for awhile now.

"Avery."

"Ha, ha, ha, ha! And Luc! Did you hear, they're gonna be announcing something in about half an hour!"

I nodded, but I was worried. What was Dumbledore planning on subjecting me to? Suddenly, there was a scary laugh right behind me.

"Severus, you never write to me anymore!" It was Bellatrix.

Bowing, I took her hand and pressed it to my lips, "I have not gotten any owls in awhile, madam."

"Oh, then forgive me!" Laughing, she took more whiskey.

I shook my head, as I saw the people I dreaded seeing.

Peter Pettigrew, walking in with Alice Wilkes, a Hufflepuff. Then Remus Lupin and that Tonks girl. Sirius Black sauntering in alone. The last couple was the one that killed me.

James Potter with his arm around a slightly pregnant Lily. Lily _Evans_, not Potter. I couldn't think of her that way. I knew they were looking for me, so I ducked a bit behind my three same friends. I knew I moved too slow, because three minutes later I heard Sirius call out my name.

"Snivellus! How are you, my old friend?" He said, clapping me on the back.

"It's Professor Snape, please. And I don't believe we were ever friends, Black."

Nodding at me, he said, "Malfoy, Avery," and smiling a little, he turned to Bella, "Bella. My sister."

She looked insulted, but the rest of his gang caught up to him.

"Severus, I heard you were now a professor here," Lupin greeted me. The most civilized would be a werewolf.

"Lupin. I heard you were offered to be a professor here."

Nodding, he replied, "Yes, and I'm still thinking it over. Do you think it would be okay for me…?"

"I daresay yes. I'll of course offer my services to you, in order to keep the children safe."

He smiled at me, and the turned to his wife, "This is Tonks, my lovely wife."

"Wotcher, Snape," she said as she stuck out her hand to me.

I took it, and pressed my lips to it, "Madam."

Hey, I had manners!

"Okay, okay, enough of that!" Sirius interrupted, and put his arms around Lupin and his wife. "We need to know how the kids are doing?"

"But you fail to introduce me?" Lily's voice was like heaven to my ears.

"Yeah. Sup, Snivellus. You know we're pregnant again? Can't wait, although we're hoping for another boy. The only one we have is Harry, and he's not the brightest. At least that's what his friend Hermione told us-"

"Okay, sweetie. I don't think _Severus_ cares to know our problems with Harry. Or Rose and Lil. So, Severus, how are you, honestly."

She looked up at me in earnest, and her eyes pierced my soul. I gulped, and felt another clap to the back.

"Oh, Evans. My boy Sevvy here is absolutely perfect! The best bachelor, he always has these ladies on him," Lucius said loudly. The drunk.

Black looked ready to break out into hysterics, "Snivellus, a lady's man? You're kidding right?"

Looks like everyone had booze in their system. Except for Lily, being pregnant and all.

"Of course he is! Don't you know, he had Chitlock, Diggles, and even McNeil at his place just last week! Not at the same time, Merlin. But I heard it was a _wild ride_ on his _broomstick_ if you catch my drift."

Both of them laughed horrendously loud, and went on and on about my (nonexistent) sex life.

Lily kept her eyes on me, but I ignored it. Soon, Potter and Pettigrew joined in on their conversation. I decided it was my cue to leave.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Please, we want to make a few names. It was voted by you as a class, and now that it's decided, I want to make sure everyone knows who is who. First we have the Hogwarts queen," Dumbledore announced.

Looking around, I saw almost all the girls tense up, including Lily.

"Fourth runner-up is…Bellatrix Lestrange-Black!" He looked genuinely surprised.

There was a lot of clapping coming from primarily Rodolphus, who I haven't seen since coming in. She smiled excitedly at me, and went up there.

"Third runner-up…Rita Skeeter?" I guess it was a huge surprise.

She squealed, and ran up there, looking smug. Beating Bella at a beauty contest wasn't that big of deal. I mean, even I could do that.

"Second runner-up…SEVERUS SNAPE!?" He shouted.

I blushed deeply, and threw a glare toward the Marauders who were all clapping each other on the back. I guess I jinxed myself when I thought that.

"Sevvy! Come on up!" Dumbledore bellowed to me. Seems like he got his hands on fire whiskey.

Lucius, Black, Pettigrew, Lupin, and Potter pushed me up there. Everyone was laughing at me, and pushing me up there. Damn it, does it ever end?

When I got up there Dumbledore looked at me with his twinkling eyes looking very much like the pedophile I thought he was, and put a crown on my head, and gave me a bouquet of _lilies_. I glared at him while he gave me that award winning smile. I mean, it even beat Lockheart one year. But that didn't matter now.

"First runner-up…Lily Evans!" He shouted gleefully.

She only got second place? But why? She was beautiful enough to earn first, hands down. Making her way up next to me, getting wolf whistles and the loudest applause yet, she looked flushed. Gorgeous, beautiful, true beauty was what I saw.

"So, looks like I'm still pretty than you, Sevvy," Lily whispered to me.

"Only because you had four extra votes," I whispered back.

She bit back laugh, and looked at me. Her green eyes were still full of wonder, and I knew I could never fall out of love. I smiled back at her, as Dumbledore announced the queen.

"And the Hogwarts queen? NARCISSA MALFOY-BLACK" He bellowed, and everyone broke out into more wolf whistles than there was for Lily. Louder applause than what Lily got. I rolled my eyes as she walked up, and got the biggest crown.

We all walked back into the crowd, as Dumbledore made another announcement.

"You may dance for awhile, as we get more positions to fill."

Lily looked over at Potter, and I saw him nod. Then she turned to me with a smile, and whispered, "Have a dance leftover for an old friend?"

"If you do for a friend who's terribly regretful," I whispered back.

Nodding, she stepped closer, and laid her head on my shoulder. I held her close to me by her waist, and a crazy thought crossed my mind.

_That could've been my baby._

No, I mentally slap myself for even thinking that. I'm not that dense. She never loved me like that. It was always Potter.

"Sev? Can I tell you something?" She whispered in my ear.

"Mm-hmm," I say back.

"I'm sorry for cutting my ties with you. I was honestly hurt, and I didn't know what was gonna happen. I swear, if it weren't for you, however, my childhood would be bleak. Please forgive-"

"Don't say it, Lily. You should never forgive me for even uttering those words to you. I deserved what I got. As a matter of fact, I don't even deserve to hold you in my eyes at this moment."

"But of course I forgive you, Sevvy. And this moment is something I'll treasure forever. Since it seems to be coming to an end. I hope you know I'll be writing to you from now on. I've been too scared to, but now…Now I know you still want me in your life…so I want you in my life."

As she said the last words, she kissed my cheeks, and the song ended. We parted, and she went back to Potter. He smiled at me, and I forced myself to smile back. It was the least I could do.

"So, my young friends. The heads of all our clubs was also voted as the best. Number one is…Re Lupin, head of the study club! We also have the clown. And that honor goes to…Pettigrew! My dear friend, come on up. Oh, and another honor. Star seeker? S. BLACK, my friends."

The clapping that followed was almost deafening. Those three…at least Potter received no awards. But that didn't matter. He had won the best thing: Lily's love.

Looking down at my own lilies, I thought _"You know what? Screw it. Get drunk. Just like everyone else."_ So heading back to the punch table, I began drinking as if breathing.

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The next morning I awoke with the worst headache I ever had. Hungover, I suppose. The whole of last night was a bit foggy, and I had no idea where I was.

Since I opened my eyes, only to discover that I was not in my own house. The damn sheets were _red_ for Merlin's sake.

I look over at my partner in bed, and discover that it's none other than…

"Good morning, Snivellus. You're pretty good, I have to give you that," a groggy Sirius Black smiled down at me, sleepily.

"No!" I shout out, and fall out of the bed with the covers.

Looking up, that was a mistake. He was naked, and I knew I was too.

"I knew you were a poof! But…me? No…" I stuttered.

He smiled at me, and said, "Oh, come off it, Sevvy! Sevvy, Severus! Wake up! Snape!"

All of a sudden I sat up. I looked around, no red or gold. Black, and a light cream color. No pounding headache.

"Ah, you're awake. Now, I was kidding about the garden, but I do want you to come tonight," A twinkly-eyed Dumbledore said to me from my bedside. Happily, fully clothed.

"That-that was just a dream?"

He nodded, and stood up, "It starts at six, remember that. I must go and get every thing ready. Please, Severus. I really want you and the Marauders to get along. I expect you, as a professor there, to come."

I nodded, and flopped back down into my bed as he let himself out.

_It was all just a dream._

Maybe Lily wasn't really pregnant? But then, who is to say she wants me back in her life?

At least I didn't sleep with Sirius Black.

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A/N: Well, that's it. I got the inspiration for this from a song- "High school never ends" by Bowling for Soup. I also wrote my own version called "Hogwarts never ends", and that will be posted sometime in the future. Hope you enjoyed this cracktastic story!


	2. THE SONG! :D

A/N: Snapes interpretation of "high school" aka Hogwarts. This is sung by Bowling for Soup, and is what inspired this one shot.

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Oi!

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh

Ah!

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh

Bugger!

7 Years you think for sure

That's all you've got to endure

All the total blokes

All the stupid twits

So under-your-level, so immature

Then when you finally pass,

Ya take a look around and you say "Hey Wait!"

This is the same as where I escaped from

I thought it was over, "Aw that's just great."

The whole wizard world is just as obsessed

With who's the best bred and who's having sex

Who's got the money, whose kid's on top

Who's really nice and who's just a dunce

And you still don't have the right blood

And you don't have the right brains

Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends

Hogwarts never ends

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh

Oi!

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh

Ah!

Check out the popular kids

You'll never guess what R. Skeeter did!

And how did Molly P. lose all that weight?

And Lily had a baby so I guess James' straight!

And the only thing that matters,

Is climbing up that social ladder

Still care about the-blood-in-your-veins and the broom you ride

Doesn't matter if you're 16 or 35

Narcissa Malfoy, she's the Snake Queen

Re Lupin, head of the study club

Pettigrew, the clown

S. Black, the star seeker

Seen it all before I want my mem'ries back!

The whole wizard world is just as obsessed

With who's the best bred and who's having sex

Who's in Azk'ban and who's in St. Mung's

And who's holding back before they explode

And you still don't have the right blood

And you don't have the right brains

And you still do to the same s*** you did back then

Hogwarts never ends

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh

Hogwarts never ends

The whole wizard world is just as obsessed

With who's the best bred and who's having sex

Who's got the money. Whose kid's on top

Who's really nice and who's just a dunce

And I still don't have the right blood

And I still have the same ol' brains

And I'm pretty much the same as I was back then

Hogwarts never ends

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh

Hogwarts never ends

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh

Hogwarts never ends

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh

Here we go again

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh

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I suggest listening to the song. And sing along if you can find a version without the real lyrics.


End file.
